a collection of prose, chants, and visual storytelling
a personal statement on heterodox beliefs
by the Diele Museum’s Chief Information Futurist
Why is there no dignity in secular tradition? Too often, we without ministry face contempt for a life of ethical behavior beholden only to ourselves. Whereas they see a wanton un-believer, skepticism of institutions in actuality forces purposeful introspection and outward reflection of one’s principles.
The rhetoric of salvation is heretofore unquestioned, despite conventional pastoralism’s pedestrian answers about our journey through life. As individuals, do we not reach for deeper explanations? In this way, we must cultivate the personal and abolish the categorical.
I practice quiet contemplation, I share my fastidious convictions, and I teach compassionate judgment.
Before us a bountiful spread
Traditional Pastafarian-American verse recited after the appetizer, before the main dish is served
Not rice nor potatoes nor bread
On this holiest day
Altogether we say
Here’s to noodles with sauce, green or red
Pastover holiday meal
One of the major annual festivities, Pastover is a hallowed night. It honors the medieval pirate liberation and following era of exploration, including some story about parting the sea.
A common practice is eating two or more bowls of pasta, which signifies the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s multiple noodly appendages. However, celebrants are encouraged to challenge all customs and personalize their observances.
You may wonder, why is Pastover different from all other nights? Tangible answers are elusive, but consider these questions as you ponder life’s nihilistic contradictions.
On all nights we eat various carbohydrates. Why, on this night, do we consume only noodles?
On all nights, we accompany our entrée with vegetables. Why, on this night, do we feast only on pasta dishes?
On other nights, we strain with a slotted spoon or colander. Why, on this night, do we only use colanders?
Ramendan Nood-barak!
After a period of reflection and abdominal negligence, Ramendan concludes the year’s holiday interval. This joyful yet contemplative lunar cycle marks when humans first heard the booming Yo Ho Ho in the sky.
Traditionally we eat only ramen this day in remembrance of our ancestors’ first Flying Spaghetti Monster encounter. While clinking spoons and slurping broth, true supplicants heed the gospel through charity works and familial devotion.
Greet all comers – long-lost friends, desert trekkers, paranormal acquaintances, beloved partners – alike with a hearty “ahoy matey.”
